Why Do I Keep Wanting Him to Call — Even When He’s Not Good for Me?
Let’s tell the truth.
Logically, you know he is not good for you. Your nervous system knows it. Your body knows it.
And yet…
You still check your phone. You still hope he calls. You still replay the memories.
On average, it takes multiple attempts to leave someone who has disrespected you.
Why?
Because trauma bonds don’t break on logic. They break on identity.
We spend so much energy chasing someone who destabilized us. For a moment, it feels powerful — like we’re hunting something we need to survive.
But long term? Women burn out in the chase.
Why Is It So Hard To Go No Contact?
Not because you are weak. But because you are wired for connection.
We are conditioned to maintain harmony. Separation triggers guilt. Choosing yourself feels like betrayal.
You feel guilty for protecting your own safety.
And then scarcity whispers:
“All men are like this.”
“I’ll never find someone as attractive.”
“All the good ones are taken.”
Your brain chemistry doesn’t help either.
Going no contact can feel like withdrawal from a drug.
You feel sick without him.
Here’s the painful truth:
You’re not happy with him. You’re not happy without him.
Both options hurt.
So you must choose your pain.
When the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving — you leap.
And that leap feels lonely. It feels devastating. It feels final.
The Fantasy That Keeps You Stuck
You start remembering the good moments. The laughs. The intimacy. The potential.
The potential becomes the fantasy.
And fantasy is powerful.
Especially in abusive or emotionally unsafe dynamics, confusion becomes your normal state. Shame becomes your silence.
You stop telling people what’s really happening.
Isolation becomes dangerous.
No one sees what happens behind closed doors. No one hears the battles in your mind.
And you begin to shrink.
My Turning Point
At the end of 2022, I was stuck in my own trauma bond.
There had been physical abuse. Verbal abuse. Emotional abuse.
And I still went back.
Not because I didn’t know better. But because I had no self-worth.
One day, my ex told me:
“No matter what I do, you’ll always come back. I have power over you.”
That sentence terrified me.
Because he was right.
If someone hurts you once and you give them another chance — that’s human.
If they hurt you repeatedly and you stay — you begin betraying yourself.
That’s the addiction.
And breaking that addiction is one of the hardest psychological battles after narcissistic abuse.
Something in me snapped.
Not from pain. From rebellion.
Who is this man to think he controls me?
I made a promise to myself:
I would rather sit in discomfort than ever betray myself again.
And I kept that promise.
That was the day I began trusting myself.
What Actually Helped Me Heal
Support.
Therapy. Coaching. Safe witnessing.
I had to learn how to ask for help. That was harder than leaving him.
I had never experienced emotional support without gaslighting. I had never been held without having to over-explain myself.
But I decided:
No matter what happens, I deserve support during the hardest season of my life.
Spirituality also held me.
I deepened my relationship with God — not as punishment, not as shame, but as presence.
I cried for months.
I surrendered.
I allowed myself to be witnessed safely.
And I learned something powerful:
Unconditional love feels like freedom. Not control.
Here’s What I Want You To Remember
If you are stuck in the loop of waiting for him to call…
You are not crazy. You are not weak. You are not pathetic.
You are bonded.
And bonds can be broken.
But not alone.
Isolation will keep you cycling. Support will help you separate.
At Quantum Counselling, we provide a structured, safe container for women who are ready to choose themselves — even when it feels terrifying.
You do not have to do this alone. You deserve support. You deserve safety. You deserve a love that does not cost you your identity.
When you are ready, we are here.
Book a free 15 minute consultation call.
